25 November 2015

hello little one // week 21

Hello little one,

You are, apparently, more than 10 inches long and closing in on weighing a full pound. We are over half way (hopefully) to meeting you. There are days that I feel enormously pregnant, while on others it seems my belly still has an awfully long way to go. The benefit of having done this once before is that I am a bit more reasonable with the reality of how my body will change for the sake of your creation. Around this time with your big sister, I uttered "how will I get bigger than this!?" Now, when your father utters such things, I simply scoff. Oh, honey, you ain't seen nothing yet. This little one has just begun.

You are making your presence known in kicks and jabs. They haven't been so pronounced or consistent as to be shared, which means that for just a bit longer they are our little secret. I don't mind. It feels a lifetime ago that I held your sister in this way, and you feel like an altogether different person already. Which you are, of course. I know you will be a whole new sort of wonderful. You will enrich our lives in ways we could never anticipate.

Still, I spend a lot of time imagining how your fresh life with shift our family and the feel of our home. How will Alice respond? She will want to give you kisses, surely, and will be an awesome helper to me. I worry though, baby, about all these changes and how to best prepare. Can I really ready Alice for your arrival? What changes can I make to the room you two will share, to make it just as special a welcome home for you as it was for your sister? We've got months yet for me to overthink all of these things. Thankfully, once you arrive, I have a feeling that just laying next to you, soaking in your every tiny feature, will far outweigh concern over what is hanging on your bedroom walls.

I love you.

Love, mom

24 November 2015

taking stock // 9

making: Apple bread, apple sauce, apple crisp. A friend gave us a large box of apples from his tree, and then another large box shortly after.

drinking: Orange juice, when we've got it in the fridge. This is the one similarity between these pregnancies thus far- cravings for orange juice.

reading: Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (and quite enjoying it!)

wanting: New maternity leggings. 

watching: Masterchef Junior. 

listening: Ella Fitzgerald singing Cole Porter (while I peel apples)

eating: Paella, made by a dear friend, for Jake and my birthdays. She also made us chocolate cake with ganache (and I've been frequently sneaking bites of the leftover decadence).

smelling: The vanilla candle Jake brought home on a whim.

wishing: For there to be no traffic during our Thanksgiving travels and for Alice to sprout a sudden love (I'll even gladly take tolerance!) of being in the car.

enjoying: That my hair is suddenly feeling slightly longer to me. Curly hair just stops adding length at this phase of the growing-out-a-pixie. As it grows, it curls more tightly and months go by with my hair getting thicker and curlier looking, but staying the same length visually. But, suddenly, it feels as if we're making headway. 

loving: The balance Alice strikes of fiercely independent and immensely affectionate.

hoping: That my recent dive into the holistic healthcare scene- acupuncture! chiropractic!- will alter the state of my aching pelvis (my pubic bone, really- but who likes uttering "pubic pain" when someone asks why you're wobbling?). 

needing: More coconut oil. To slather on my expanding midline. 

feeling: Ever more ready for the holidays to splash neighborhoods with twinkling lights and familiar tunes. 

wearing: These sweatpants from Linnie. Jake says they look like riding pants and I say they are the comfiest piece of clothing I own. 

bookmarking: This journal written by and for mothers is lovely and thoughtful, even if you're not of the Catholic persuasion. I'm not Catholic, but I've been nodding and tearing up throughout my read of the most recent edition. 

*Photo by my dear friend who is flying the coop in a matter of weeks. I could write a whole post about friends moving away, but lets suffice it to say that I'm feeling a hearty mix of proud & sad. 

10 November 2015

a little honest whining

In 2004, my brother spent two months riding his bicycle across the United States. Then, he made a documentary about it (you can watch it on his website here). About halfway through the trip- which had been riddled with flat tires, an aching behind, and freezing nights- he suddenly fell in love with the whole ordeal. 

I'm waiting for that moment in this pregnancy. 

It has hit, in little moments here and there, but in general this time around has not been easy. What an altogether different pregnancy. For the last month and a half people have often assumed that I'm in second trimester bliss: less tired, no longer nauseous, openly pregnant and loving life. Instead, I'm still just as tired as that first trimester, now mixed with severe pelvic pain and a growing distaste for being told I'm huge. 

When will people learn that it is simply not nice to tell someone they are "huge?" And that variations on this theme are also not welcome? ("I can't believe how BIG you are.") I have gained a single pound and yet I am constantly being told how absolutely enormous my body is. When combined with little sleep and a searing pain shooting across my pelvis, you can imagine that I've been feeling a bit cranky. Please, everyone, simply say the following to any pregnant women you encounter:
a) You are beautiful and your body is doing amazing things.
b) Nothing. Say NOTHING. This is also a completely valid option.

This morning I did have an exceptionally kind woman ask me if we've taken any pregnancy photos (nope) and then promptly instruct me that we must because I look "stunning, like the Madonna." I can't tell you what a gift her words were. Just a couple hours later I cried alone in a bathroom stall over this damn pelvic pain, but the thought that someone, somehow, had seen that kind of light in me was a welcome buoy. The Madonna? My goodness. I wasn't feeling any desire to take photographic evidence of this pregnancy, but now we just may need to. 

Whine, whine, whine. I know this will all read as whining to some. Please know that I am enormously grateful to be healthy and carrying this tiny human. The kicks that have bubbled in my belly are well worth all this pain and emotion. WELL WORTH IT. Nonetheless, the pain and emotion are honest and real too. So, there you have it. 

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